Kansan1225
2004-01-05 02:25:57 UTC
Over the last few months I have mentioned on several occasions that I
have been losing weight. Since 1998 I have had my weight stabilized at about
180 lbs, more or less an average weight for my height (5' 11"). In May 2003 I
started on a new diet to come down to the weight I had in 1970, when I
graduated from high school, in the range of 155 to 160 lbs.
My intention was to lose this weight for health reasons in general and to
become even more worthy of Our Lady Heidi Klum. Around that time, May 2003, I
was letting Heidi know about my plans to visit her German hometown Bergisch
Gladbach in July and she was responding positively. Therefore, I had great
encouragement in my dieting. The most successful diet approach I have used
over the years is not to eat in the evening. I have only two meals every day:
a very good breakfast and a lighter lunch.
I had learned this diet from supermodel Cheryl Tiegs in the late 1970s.
Cheryl was the first model to become very famous because of her "Sports
Illustrated" swimsuit issue covers and I had become aware of her from her TIME
magazine cover of March 6, 1978. So much so, that when it came time for me to
confess prior to receiving Holy Communion for Easter Sunday in 1978, I had to
admit that I "had committed adultery in my heart with her". This confession
took place during a spiritual retreat that I attended with my wife Dina at the
St. Sophia Camp near San Bernardino, California, that flooded this past
Christmas Day. At that time I had just gotten married to Dina (on August 20,
1977), but the priest gave me absolution, saying that a young man of my age
then (25) has great sexual urges that could overwhelm him.
Parenthetically, I should mention that the priest was Father Stephen Hill
of St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Cathedral of Los Angeles. Dina and I were
parishioners at St. Anthony's in Pasadena and we attended Father Stephen's
retreat, because he had a very good reputation as a spiritual counsellor. As
soon as we arrived at the St. Sophia Camp for the weekend, I noticed that
Father Stephen had attracted the hottest young Greek ladies of Los Angeles to
his retreat. I did not say anything to Dina, but was looking towards the next
couple of days with great anticipation.
Later on that weekend at the retreat, someone asked Father Stephen's
little son (about 5 or 6 years old) where his mommy was. The kid said that she
had gone to Las Vegas for the weekend with some other friends. Hmmm, we all
thought.
A few months later we heard news about Father Stephen: he had abandoned
his position at the Cathedral and his wife and son, to run away with a belly
dancer that he had met at a Greek nightclub in LA.
Anyway, my involvement with Cheryl Tiegs was a very low key affair. I
followed some news items about her and her diet tips, but nothing more than
that. Some time later I read that she had been caught cheating on her husband
in a tent in Africa with a Kenya-based photographer. I did not feel any knives
going through my heart then, the way I do when I read about Heidi cavorting
with various gentlemen all over the World, from New York, to Los Angeles, to
London, to Bergisch Gladbach, to Portofino, Italy, and even Kenya.
After confessing to Father Stephen that I had shed my seed looking at
Cheryl's TIME magazine cover,
http://www.thejumpingfrog.com/si/1113573.html
I confessed it to Dina, as well. She, too, forgave me. After all, Ms. Tiegs
was not any real threat to her. The only real threat that Dina has ever taken
seriously was Theophano, the beautiful ice cream temptress that I was
infatuated with later on, in New Jersey in the 1980s.
Well, I started applying Cheryl's diet in May 2003 in anticipation of my
possible meeting with Heidi in July. The diet worked very well, as it does
every time, and I got down to about 170 lbs in a month or so. It was then time
for Dina to leave for Greece and for me to follow, going to Germany first. We
decided to receive Holy Communion before our trips and I said I was going to
fast for just one day. Dina said, no way, I had to fast for at least four
days. I agreed, being the model husband that I am.
During my fast, I drove to Westheimer and Fountainview here in Houston to
check out Heidi news in the German tabloids sold at the "World News Stand"
there. On my expeditions I have lunch out, usually eating a sandwich at a
"Quizno's", but because I was fasting, I just bought a can of mixed nuts from
Kroger. I ate the whole can in the car, while driving, and wound up with a
headache of the type that had attacked me and sent me to the hospital in 1996,
when we were still in Saudi Arabia.
Luckily the headache went away, but I had learned a very valuable lesson,
thanks to Dina's insistence on me fasting for many days: nuts give me a
headache.
Since that time I do not eat peanuts and other nuts, except for a little
bit on special occasions now and then. This addition to my diet regime was
extremely helpful: I started losing weight even more easily and kept it off.
After midnight on July 14, 2003, Heidi and I were together in Bergisch
Gladbach and she obtained my potent sperm, that she carried with her in a Dewar
flask, frozen by liquid nitrogen, for more than one month. Then, when she was
in Kenya, from about August 15 to about August 21, she had herself impregnated
to create a perfect baby, interweaving our model genes. Can you imagine how
much liquid nitrogen Heidi and her team must have required under the hot
African Sun during those days in Kenya?
After my week of debauchery in Bergisch Gladbach, indulging myself on
thoughts of Heidi and Wurst, I spent a week in Greece with Dina and our two
daughters, hitting the local ouzo joints and gorging on octopus, squids, fried
squash, and tsatziki. Coming back to Houston on July 20 I tipped the scales at
185 lbs.
But not to worry, the combined Cheryl-Dina-Heidi diet went back into
effect: within two to three weeks I was back at 170 lbs. Then the weight
started coming off more slowly, but I reached my goal of 155 to 160 lbs just
before Christmas. I am very happy to report that, even after munching Dina's
sweet baklava day after day and all the other Christmas and New Year's
excesses, this morning I was back at 157 lbs, sweet success.
I should mention that my ideal weight, 157, is a prime number and
displays the coordinates of Bergisch Gladbach backwards, E. 7th Meridian and N.
51st Parallel. Moreover:
1 + 5 + 7 = 13
I had reached this ideal weight on a couple of previous occasions during
my adult life, since graduating from high school, but did not keep it, not
being guided then by a Superior Being. My present devotion to Goddess Heidi
gives me a reason to keep fit and trim:
What would Heidi think, if she were to see me in a not skinny state?
Also, what if newspeople were to come suddenly and photograph me, the
father of Heidi's love child? My cover on "People" magazine should match
Heidi's alien perfection:
Loading Image...
have been losing weight. Since 1998 I have had my weight stabilized at about
180 lbs, more or less an average weight for my height (5' 11"). In May 2003 I
started on a new diet to come down to the weight I had in 1970, when I
graduated from high school, in the range of 155 to 160 lbs.
My intention was to lose this weight for health reasons in general and to
become even more worthy of Our Lady Heidi Klum. Around that time, May 2003, I
was letting Heidi know about my plans to visit her German hometown Bergisch
Gladbach in July and she was responding positively. Therefore, I had great
encouragement in my dieting. The most successful diet approach I have used
over the years is not to eat in the evening. I have only two meals every day:
a very good breakfast and a lighter lunch.
I had learned this diet from supermodel Cheryl Tiegs in the late 1970s.
Cheryl was the first model to become very famous because of her "Sports
Illustrated" swimsuit issue covers and I had become aware of her from her TIME
magazine cover of March 6, 1978. So much so, that when it came time for me to
confess prior to receiving Holy Communion for Easter Sunday in 1978, I had to
admit that I "had committed adultery in my heart with her". This confession
took place during a spiritual retreat that I attended with my wife Dina at the
St. Sophia Camp near San Bernardino, California, that flooded this past
Christmas Day. At that time I had just gotten married to Dina (on August 20,
1977), but the priest gave me absolution, saying that a young man of my age
then (25) has great sexual urges that could overwhelm him.
Parenthetically, I should mention that the priest was Father Stephen Hill
of St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Cathedral of Los Angeles. Dina and I were
parishioners at St. Anthony's in Pasadena and we attended Father Stephen's
retreat, because he had a very good reputation as a spiritual counsellor. As
soon as we arrived at the St. Sophia Camp for the weekend, I noticed that
Father Stephen had attracted the hottest young Greek ladies of Los Angeles to
his retreat. I did not say anything to Dina, but was looking towards the next
couple of days with great anticipation.
Later on that weekend at the retreat, someone asked Father Stephen's
little son (about 5 or 6 years old) where his mommy was. The kid said that she
had gone to Las Vegas for the weekend with some other friends. Hmmm, we all
thought.
A few months later we heard news about Father Stephen: he had abandoned
his position at the Cathedral and his wife and son, to run away with a belly
dancer that he had met at a Greek nightclub in LA.
Anyway, my involvement with Cheryl Tiegs was a very low key affair. I
followed some news items about her and her diet tips, but nothing more than
that. Some time later I read that she had been caught cheating on her husband
in a tent in Africa with a Kenya-based photographer. I did not feel any knives
going through my heart then, the way I do when I read about Heidi cavorting
with various gentlemen all over the World, from New York, to Los Angeles, to
London, to Bergisch Gladbach, to Portofino, Italy, and even Kenya.
After confessing to Father Stephen that I had shed my seed looking at
Cheryl's TIME magazine cover,
http://www.thejumpingfrog.com/si/1113573.html
I confessed it to Dina, as well. She, too, forgave me. After all, Ms. Tiegs
was not any real threat to her. The only real threat that Dina has ever taken
seriously was Theophano, the beautiful ice cream temptress that I was
infatuated with later on, in New Jersey in the 1980s.
Well, I started applying Cheryl's diet in May 2003 in anticipation of my
possible meeting with Heidi in July. The diet worked very well, as it does
every time, and I got down to about 170 lbs in a month or so. It was then time
for Dina to leave for Greece and for me to follow, going to Germany first. We
decided to receive Holy Communion before our trips and I said I was going to
fast for just one day. Dina said, no way, I had to fast for at least four
days. I agreed, being the model husband that I am.
During my fast, I drove to Westheimer and Fountainview here in Houston to
check out Heidi news in the German tabloids sold at the "World News Stand"
there. On my expeditions I have lunch out, usually eating a sandwich at a
"Quizno's", but because I was fasting, I just bought a can of mixed nuts from
Kroger. I ate the whole can in the car, while driving, and wound up with a
headache of the type that had attacked me and sent me to the hospital in 1996,
when we were still in Saudi Arabia.
Luckily the headache went away, but I had learned a very valuable lesson,
thanks to Dina's insistence on me fasting for many days: nuts give me a
headache.
Since that time I do not eat peanuts and other nuts, except for a little
bit on special occasions now and then. This addition to my diet regime was
extremely helpful: I started losing weight even more easily and kept it off.
After midnight on July 14, 2003, Heidi and I were together in Bergisch
Gladbach and she obtained my potent sperm, that she carried with her in a Dewar
flask, frozen by liquid nitrogen, for more than one month. Then, when she was
in Kenya, from about August 15 to about August 21, she had herself impregnated
to create a perfect baby, interweaving our model genes. Can you imagine how
much liquid nitrogen Heidi and her team must have required under the hot
African Sun during those days in Kenya?
After my week of debauchery in Bergisch Gladbach, indulging myself on
thoughts of Heidi and Wurst, I spent a week in Greece with Dina and our two
daughters, hitting the local ouzo joints and gorging on octopus, squids, fried
squash, and tsatziki. Coming back to Houston on July 20 I tipped the scales at
185 lbs.
But not to worry, the combined Cheryl-Dina-Heidi diet went back into
effect: within two to three weeks I was back at 170 lbs. Then the weight
started coming off more slowly, but I reached my goal of 155 to 160 lbs just
before Christmas. I am very happy to report that, even after munching Dina's
sweet baklava day after day and all the other Christmas and New Year's
excesses, this morning I was back at 157 lbs, sweet success.
I should mention that my ideal weight, 157, is a prime number and
displays the coordinates of Bergisch Gladbach backwards, E. 7th Meridian and N.
51st Parallel. Moreover:
1 + 5 + 7 = 13
I had reached this ideal weight on a couple of previous occasions during
my adult life, since graduating from high school, but did not keep it, not
being guided then by a Superior Being. My present devotion to Goddess Heidi
gives me a reason to keep fit and trim:
What would Heidi think, if she were to see me in a not skinny state?
Also, what if newspeople were to come suddenly and photograph me, the
father of Heidi's love child? My cover on "People" magazine should match
Heidi's alien perfection:
Loading Image...
